Listen to this song while reading: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFs1d32K_ro
Today I choose to follow you. Yes Lord, today I give my everything to you. But today is also one of those days I won’t find the courage to face my fears, talk to you about everything or stand up for your kingdoms cause. Today Lord, I want nothing less than come closer to you and get to know you in a new way that will open my eyes for the unseen. Today I want to encounter your love, not from afar but in my heart. Today I follow your will Lord and put my selfish heart under your control. Today. But after 12 hours of constantly trying to get over my fears and just let you into my heart today is over. Done. Finished. Maybe tomorrow is the today I meant. Maybe tomorrow I will be brave enough to face my fears and follow you with my whole heart, soul, and body. But Lord till that tomorrow becomes today, please do not let me alone! Walk with me and come with me even when I have trouble relying on you. Teach me to trust in you and Lord, draw me nearer to your heart day by day, every day. –Amen
Have you ever prayed a similar prayer? Have you ever felt the same way? So oppressed by the feeling of not being enough and not being quite the child God would like to have. As you can see I know that feeling all too well. I know the insecurity and the fear. I know how it feels when you are constantly trying to do everything out of your own strength. But didn’t God say that he is strong in the weak? Let’s allow ourselves to be weak and still under construction. God loved us when we were still sinners, nothing can hinder him from loving us. He created us the way he wanted us. And YES this fallen world left an impact on us but he never intended to leave us the way we are right now. I realise that so very often I am just working out of my own strength and my own abilities instead of letting him do the work and me the worship. So often I do things just to be seen as ‘the good kid’, as the girl that got such an intimate relationship with God or as the girl that has a lot of knowledge. But that’s not why we should do things. So I pray that the Lord may evict my selfish, torn heart and use it for his cause. That he may see the genuine will behind it and my longing for him. And Lord I pray that you remind us that you are our good Father and that you are strong in us even when we can’t see you. Make us brave to go out into the world and stand up for you. Because you are a wonderful counsellor, everlasting Father, eternal King and Lord of hosts. So we want to follow you.